Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Toddler Adventures
My boy is now a toddler. A very busy, very curious, very energetic toddler. He is also talking a little bit. He says dog, kitty, mommy, daddy, papa, diaper (sounds like bye-berr), blueberry (he says "boo boo"), milk, snow, more and, of course, no. But the best word he learned was "please". It's definately an improvement from "eh! eh! eh!" Although we have to remind him often to say please instead of the other. I am even more excited about spring approaching. I can't wait to take him to the zoo and the parks. He does still snuggle with me every night before bed, and I just love that time with him. Daylight Savings has thrown the poor kid off a bit as of late, but I'm not too worried about it. "Quiet Time" is also a good time for me to just relax, de-stress and just BE with my boy.
I'm Glad they're De-Funding PBS
Like most parents, I am irresponsible and let my kid watch PBS. What a dumb thing to do. Do you know that PBS's children's programming is basically socialist brainwashing? With lessons like sharing and being careful...what the hell? I'm trying to raise an American here, one who takes whatever he can grab and behaves as recklessly as the freedoms of America allow him to. This is why I'm only letting him watch Fox News at breakfast from now on. Don't be fooled. Those fucking muppets will turn your kids in to little liberal communists, if you let them.
What I Do With Your Hard-Earned Money
My husband is a state worker, and let me just say we are so bummed that we won't be leaching off the majestic tax payer teat like we have been.
How ever shall we keep up the mortgage payment on our pelatio 965 square foot chateau? What? No dear, I didn't leave out any numbers. You read it right. A sprawling 965 square feet that we use to dance around in piles of your tax money (in the form of nickels). We make a pile of nickels that we did not rightfully earn and roll around in them and laugh at the stupidity of Wisconsin taxpayers. "Ha ha!" we shriek with glee, as the nickels find their way into our sweaty crevices. After we're done picking the nickels out of our fat-with-taxpayer-funded-food bodies, we watch TV on a state-of-the-art standard definition tube TV that my parents bought us in 2002. Suck it! You're so fucking jealous!
We buy Pampers instead of store brand because we're so fucking loaded.
Every day I drive to work in my luxury 2003 Pontiac Vibe with a busted headlamp and as I speed down the highway with my rip-roaring 4 cylinder engine, I chuckle heartily to myself that all you stupid taxpayers have financed the high life for me and my family.
But alas, now we will have to change our ways. No more lavish visits to Target. No more gourmet meals at McDonalds. We'll have to pinch pennies like the rest of the peasants. Tisk tisk.
How ever shall we keep up the mortgage payment on our pelatio 965 square foot chateau? What? No dear, I didn't leave out any numbers. You read it right. A sprawling 965 square feet that we use to dance around in piles of your tax money (in the form of nickels). We make a pile of nickels that we did not rightfully earn and roll around in them and laugh at the stupidity of Wisconsin taxpayers. "Ha ha!" we shriek with glee, as the nickels find their way into our sweaty crevices. After we're done picking the nickels out of our fat-with-taxpayer-funded-food bodies, we watch TV on a state-of-the-art standard definition tube TV that my parents bought us in 2002. Suck it! You're so fucking jealous!
We buy Pampers instead of store brand because we're so fucking loaded.
Every day I drive to work in my luxury 2003 Pontiac Vibe with a busted headlamp and as I speed down the highway with my rip-roaring 4 cylinder engine, I chuckle heartily to myself that all you stupid taxpayers have financed the high life for me and my family.
But alas, now we will have to change our ways. No more lavish visits to Target. No more gourmet meals at McDonalds. We'll have to pinch pennies like the rest of the peasants. Tisk tisk.
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